Daniel Vercetti


State – Overcoming Approach Anxiety

By vercetti on May 4, 2011

In NLP “State” refers to the overall emotional, physiological and psychological condition of an individual. There have been many things written in the community on State, does it exist? Should you be able to perform even without being “In State”? And so on.
Everything I teach is only taught after I’ve practiced and drilled personally so that I know it works, and what I’ll share below are ways to get “In State” EVERY time you need to perform at a high standard.

A “State” is made up of three layers and in order to change State all you have to do is:

1. Become aware of what you are doing at any of the layers and
2. Do something different. Simple!

The Layers are:

• Physiology
• Focus
• Language

What are you doing with your body?

Our Bodies and Minds are connected and it is possible to affect one by doing specific things with the other.

If you remember a time when you were feeling angry, you may instantly notice where the tension forms in your body, the frown that forms, the tension in your jaw. Or when you were feeling defeated; walking around with your head down and shoulders sloping forward. Who knows which came first the state or the physical posture; it doesn’t really matter, the important thing is that it can be changed simply by doing something different.

When you sense that you’re in a “Bad State” check in with yourself and notice what you’re body is doing and change it. Lift your head up, stick out your chest and over exaggerate the posture of a confident man. You’ll find it’s very hard to stay in a “Bad State” when you change your physiology, and force yourself to do a confident posture.

Other Physiological alternatives

• Play the Animal Game – Replicate the sounds and movements of various animals

• Play Imaginary Instruments – Whatever song is on, play along to the backing track as if you’re at a concert. Drums, Guitar, Sax etc.

• Jump up and Down

These as you can see, don’t have to be logical or “sensible” in fact the more silly they are the better, as they get you out of your head and into your body and achieve the desired result…An Altered State!

What are you focusing your attention on ?

If you have approach anxiety and you focus on getting rejected or whether she wants to be bothered or not, or if she has a boyfriend , then I can tell you that anxiety is not going away. If you focus on the anxiety itself and notice your handshaking or you forehead sweating then chances are that anxiety will increase tenfold.

Instead I tell students to…

Focus on your DESIRE
By Focus on your Desire I mean, instead of thinking of and focusing on all the reasons why she won’t be interested, focus on that part of you that saw her and thought “Fuck! She’s hot! I WANT HER!” Be like the kid in a candy store, going for the chocolate bar with no concern for what mummy’s saying!

This does two things

1. If your desire is anything like mine, that shit will CHARGE you! I adopted this from working extensively with Soul instructing with him on his Daygame Workshops . When he sees a woman that he’s into, he allows his desire consume him. Taking her in and delighting in all the aspects of her beauty. The way she moves with a Dancers grace, the way her hips swing from side to side, all the elements of her femininity. Then he just drifts after her like Pepé Le Pew (Without the smell and French accent of course).

2. It’s amazing how much more congruent a man becomes when he is at one with his Desire, suddenly the words and attitudes seem to come for free and the interaction becomes a lot more fun and interesting as there is a sexual charge.

Other things to Focus on

Having fun – Try taking your focus away from what yourself, notice people in the environment, check out the guy doing the funky dances and just enjoying himself.

Create Scenarios – With a friend come up with different back stories for people in the venue, the weirder the better.

Have an Elastic Band round your wrist and snap it whenever you feel yourself focusing on something negative


What are you saying to yourself?

Words are extremely powerful especially the words we are saying to ourselves. We have this running commentary in our heads, creating meanings and interpreting things every moment. Depending on the type of person you are you’re default will be positive empowering scripts or negative and destructive ones, with work you can change your default setting from negative to positive.

Are you telling yourself “I’m tired, I can’t be bothered to approach” “I don’t know what to say” “That’s probably her boyfriend” – These are unproductive and having these phrases running through your head at anytime would be enough to put you in an inactive and frustrated “State”.

Learn a new language!

Plan this in advance – Create empowering alternatives to use when you feel out of state. I’ve got a bunch of different things I say to myself that allow me to feel like the man before I approach or when AA creeps in. They range from “Fuck It” to “I’m Fucking Vercetti!!!” J Generally anything that makes me feel like a BEAST ready to consume and dominate the situation!

Come up with things for yourself that make you feel empowered and proactive!

Productive Language

“I’m the hero of my story!”
“Is this interesting!” (Creates a curious state of mind, very useful)
“STOP!!! What am I thinking” (This is great for stopping you in your tracks so that you can relax into the moment)

Take MASSIVE Action!

A lot of the time when I see students in a weak state they’re usually standing there not talking to women! The best way to get the cogs moving is to take Massive action, and by massive action I mean, do a Direct high risk approach! “Hey, you’re fucking Gorgeous, I’m V!” BAM! Adrenaline pumping, State Changed, enough said!

Personally massive action is the best step, for obvious reasons – It changes your Physiology, Focus and Language all in one go!

Hope this helps.

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